The Difficulty Dating - When You're a Dancer!

This past Monday was the first interview I sat through in probably seven years. They were very interested, and have since contacted me with a job offer for an office administrative type position. Fortunately for me, I have a pretty decent resume – years of experience, some educational background, and reputable references. This cannot be said for all dancers. Many started the business at such a young age they never even entered the workforce; some girls have been doing this for so long their past experiences are no longer applicable; and some simply have empty teenage resumes, with which it is virtually impossible to build a career.
Anyways, this job is far from what I am hoping for… and one-fifth the income I’d make were I dancing full time. Pass.
Then today, I went to another interview for a front office management position. It’s not much different, but the pay is a wee bit better. A wee bit. After struggling in traffic to get downtown, paying ten dollars for parking and walking another eight minutes, I arrived promptly at 12:58 pm for my one o’ clock interview in my nice Bebe dress pants and satin peacock blue button up – only to realize it was not the company itself I was meeting with, but rather an employment agency. Ummm… ok fine. “Just give it a try,” I told myself. After all I was already there. They put me in a room, left a stack of paperwork, and – get this – LEFT ME FOR AN HOUR! I don’t know, am I missing something here? Is this how it usually works?
The problem being a dancer is we measure time wasted monetarily. I automatically said to myself, “I’ve wasted nearly 2 hours and this interview still hasn’t started… I could’ve made a couple hundred during that time!”
So at the one-hour mark, I got my stuff together, wrote a sweet note (“Sorry I had to go, I didn’t realize this was a two hour process…”) and left.
I know I shouldn’t be so picky, demanding, difficult, high maintenance (whatever you want to call it), but it’s very hard to settle when I know I could be making so much more.
So I guess it’s back to the drawing board. I will continue to go online everyday and find me a job!
On a personal note, I tried these past couple of days to leave my bf. I guess I’m not trying that hard. I’m still crazy about him, but I’ve made it clear that I don’t want anything more than a friendship. At least until we both get our shit together (that last sentence just reminded me of something: I have got to stop swearing if I am to reenter the workforce!). I’m determined to be proactive and productive this year, and being in a difficult relationship will only delay my progress.
Speaking of dating, I would like to share my thoughts on why it is so hard for girls like me to be in a normal relationship.


The Difficulty Dating – When You’re a Dancer!

I’ll keep this as short and sweet as possible, because there’s a lot to be said.
It’s hard enough for any women to find a good man. But us dancers face a few added obstacles. First off, I have to say that as an exotic dancer, our choices are already limited, as many men wouldn’t even consider actually dating one. In my experiences, the majority of men who do date us fall into one (or more) of three categories:

1.The so-called Pimp
Whether the term is self-coined or denied, these men find out you’re a dancer and assume you make good money, or can at least. This category in itself has a number of sub-categories, but I’ll keep it simple. Some of these men try to convince you your money is better off with them; and some are just BUMS, always throwing at you that you make good tax-free cash, thus guilting you into always being the one to spend.

2.The Horndog
These men, for the most part, stereotype all strippers to be over sexual, wild and easy. Whether they’re willing to pay for it or not, they always assume that: a) its attainable, and that its just a matter of how, or how much, b) that’s all you have to offer and c) that essentially you’re the type of girl they have sex with, not bring home to momma.

3.The Knight in Shining Armour (that nobody asked for)
These ones are my personal favourite. They genuinely care about you, or at least an image of you. Sometimes they even fall in love, or think they do, with you or your persona. The problem however is usually one of two things: they feel the need to be a hero and “rescue” you from the business, whether you want it or not; or they get fed up (and sometimes even impose an ultimatum) and want you to stop dancing before you’re ready. I admit, there’s a hint of nobility in these men, but they have to realize quitting is something a girl does on her own when she’s ready and prepared. Albeit, sometimes the dancer truly is ready. But if she’s not and she does quit, she will resent him if she feels like she’s losing more than she is gaining.

My current on and off relationship is with a man of category 3. I’ve cut back working so much I screwed myself over, just to keep him comfortable and secure. I now recognize this, and am back to work, regardless of how he feels. I am, however, ready to quit, hence this blog. Just easing the transition…
My boyfriend before that was a strange combination of categories 1 and 3. Our relationship lacked any intimacy, and he held my dancing accountable. He, like many, had no problem in the beginning but eventually became insecure and distant. He tried to get me to quit, with no direction or back up plan, when we were together, but in retrospect, he took a lot more from me than he ever gave.
Yes, it’s not at all easy dating when you’re in this business. I guess it doesn’t help that we deal with men the way we do for a living. We learn so much about them: their fantasies, their vulnerabilities, their weaknesses and their perversions. That’s not to say that no dancer has a good man. I’m sure many do.
I’m just still searching for mine.

Its a new year for new things!

I am almost 3 months behind on this blog.

My initial goal was to start a blog on January 1^st of this year about getting out of the business – the dancing industry, that is. I had decided that I was fed up with the way the game has changed since I started. The girls are getting dirtier by the day; the caliber of these ladies and the clubs themselves are shameful; the patrons are starting to expect certain things (as if it were a part of my job description); and all the while, we are simply making less money. Especially if you’re an honest and clean stripper.

By now, I have been dancing for over three years. To be frank, by the time I started I had already missed the business at its best. I entered it during what you would call its downfall. And oh how I regret that! I wish I were dancing when dances were half the price they are now, because regardless, girls were making twice the money with half the work! There was also a lot more emphasis on the performer and performance aspect of the business. Stage shows were strong and seductive, each unique and truly entertaining. Girls loved performing!

Anyways, I decided this year that I was done. But rather than quit cold turkey (I could never do that with cigarettes), I would slowly make that transition. This blog is about my internal and external struggle I am sure I will face as I ease myself back into the real world. As I go along, I will introduce more and more about my experiences and myself.

At this point, I am still dancing occasionally. I am online everyday trying to find myself a regular job that doesn’t pay minimum wage. Once I do, I probably will keep dancing for a while, until I save up enough to finish school, or fall into a great career somehow. Or maybe I’ll get discovered – or even meet a rich handsome doctor! (I hope everyone realizes that last sentence was a joke, meant to poke humor at the stereotypical ideology of a stripper.) I have had 3 interviews set up this past week, one of which I actually showed up for.

Maybe I should mention this too: I am currently kinda in a kinda relationship. Yeah, I’m in one of those. I recognize that he hinders my progress, as I do his, and that he’s an unfaithful pathological liar. That’s exactly why I haven’t started this blog 3 months ago. I’ve been so distracted with him and us that I haven’t been able to write, focus on finding a job, or even going to the club to work. I don’t want to blame it all on him; I will admit that these are my decisions. But I have such a weakness for him. Thus, this blog is about more than my transition – it is about a time in my life that I would like to document for myself. It’s about growing up into adulthood, becoming a productive member of society, getting over someone and using that as motivation to move forward, and the struggles we dancers face when we do reenter the real workforce.

I hope everyone reading enjoys this. I realize I may offend some people and that I will probably receive some not so nice emails, judgments and criticism. This blog is not meant to cause offence in any way. I simply recognize that there are a lot of women in my position and would like to share my experiences. I promise to be brutally honest, no matter how it makes me look. I guess blog is also a venue for me to be real and vent.