Its actually over.
Not my job search. My so-called relationship.
I have been going back and forth with this guy for months now, and I just cannot take it anymore. I’ve been hurt by many stupid relationships before – I’ve had exes who robbed me, hit me, beat me, cheated on me, and just plain use me. But this breakup in particular has been the most painful. I believed I finally had a great man, the best man I ever dated, ambitious and affectionate; the first real man and good man I believed I ever had the opportunity to spend time with; the first time I ever truly felt a genuine spiritual connection, beyond all material and physical things; the first time I felt such extreme chemistry on so many different levels; the first time I felt my man was my best friend too. But he is also the man who hurt me the most.
I don’t want to sit here and complain or talk bad about him – I’m not even sure if I’m mad at him. I know we both still care deeply for one another. It was important for me today to let him know that I understood his feelings, that I knew this was a difficult situation, but I can’t keep letting him emotionally tear me apart, day after day. At this point, I just want to stop crying. Walking away from this situation has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, knowing he still wants to be here for me, that I love him as painfully hard as I do, but that I have to let him go.
If for some reason he ever comes across this blog, I want to thank him for helping me become the woman I am now: with my confidence, my opening up and letting inhibitions go, and always reminding me that I have so much more potential than I ever realized myself.
On a more positive note, I have decided to pursue a career in the fashion industry. I have denied this passion for fashion and need for creativity that I have in me since high school, for a number of reasons. I always felt that this industry has become such a cliché for females who felt they dressed well; I thought maybe I needed to study something more “academic” or entrepreneurial; I felt intimidated because I know this is a competitive and over saturated business. But screw it. Its what I love and enjoy, so why the hell not.
I have registered for a Fashion Coordination and Stylist Certificate at a reputable university for the fall, but I get to start my first course in a couple of weeks. In addition, I have been seeking an internship with a respectable stylist. I am so anxious to commence this new phase in my life, where can I start taking control and actually work towards something.
I still will be hunting a real job relentlessly, and I still will be dancing to make ends meet in the meantime, but it feels amazing to have an end goal. As a result of my personal drama, I have been unable to find the energy to even make it to the computer, let alone spend hours on Workopolis, Monster or Kijiji to find a job. But apparently, I have a lot of time on my hands now, so I feel I will be able to focus and juggle my schedule accordingly.
This is the first time in my adulthood that I have been single and entirely on my own, and I am simply terrified. I am also still very sad and heartbroken, but I will somehow find a way to turn that negativity into positive energy and motivation, and I cannot wait to see where life takes me next.
I still wish more than anything that I could share this new phase and enthusiasm with my own Mr. Big (for anybody that watched Sex and The City), but alas, I will venture this journey alone, and become a stronger woman for it.
Showing posts with label job search. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job search. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Like Dangling a Carrot in Front of a Horse
My ideal job right now would reflect my knowledge. My resume boasts years of administrative, retail management, and sales and marketing experience. I also have a college diploma, and have worked in the fashion business field. Thus, my ultimate job right now would be in the fashion industry, and would allow me a bit of room for creativity, and definitely room for growth. Buyer, merchandiser, things like that. Even a stylist. I won’t, however, work in a retail store as a sales associate.
I had applied for a position that seemed perfect. I think I might have even applied twice! I was ecstatic when this company contacted me for a meeting; but when I emailed back to confirm, I received no response. The day following the original interview, they contacted me again to apologize and reschedule. The opening is for an Assistant Buyer / Fit Model within a major company, that has hundreds of locations across North America. The job posting online describes familiar duties for a buyer, as well as a list of requirements which I surpass. I am very confident in a position like this, but I am absolutely not a model. Nonetheless, I’ve learned from my past in this industry that these are not actual models, but Fit models, which are mainly for trying samples to evaluate the fit and material. And since the description itself did not stress the Model role like it did the Buyer’s – all it said was “wear a size 5 in ladies clothing” – I felt no reason to feel intimidated going to this interview. I figured if I was confident and showed my enthusiasm and experience, the interviewer would recognize it.
Turns out it wasn’t even an interview, but rather, a fitting. I was rushed in and out; I tried on a pair of black skinny jeans and a black button up tunic, both size 5, and had it off in 2 minutes. The sample clothing was too big and long, and after reviewing the fit on me, the assistant said, “Thanks. We’ll let you know.”
Where was my interview? Where’s the part when I brag about all my experience? I even had an answer for my least favourite interview question, which is almost guaranteed every time an employer and a potential candidate sit down together: “what would you say is your worst quality?” I’ve never been more prepared for a job interview as I was today, specifically because I wanted this one so bad. I would even take it if it offered me cheese for a salary. I just wish they had stated in their job posting that this position was mainly for a fit model, and the assistant buyer role was secondary. Its über frustrating to have someone contact me about my ideal profession, only to deny me an actual interview. It’s exactly like the title of this post.
Oh well. What can I do. I guess its back to the search.
Aside from this one, I’ve had one other employment agency and a couple of sales positions contact me. I haven’t had a full day in front of the computer this week (that’s why it took so long to get this post up), so tomorrow daytime will be reserved for job searching and applying online.
On another note, Last Friday I went to work all burnt and damaged, if anyone recalls the last entry. It actually went a lot better than I thought it would, probably because I had my regulars there. However I did have one issue. The DJ convinced me to go on stage; I had been hesitant because of my burn marks. That turned out to be a big mistake. I ended up rubbing my forearms against the pole, and peeling the scab off three of the massive blisters, and it hurt like a motherfu…
By now though, I am starting to heal very nicely.
Yet another note: I think I’m back with my sometime boyfriend.
It’s impossible to shake him. I have absolutely no will power there. We’re fine most of the time, but we argue every time I go to work. The funny thing is, he has no problem with the business when I'm not working - he'll even suggest I go sometimes. But as soon as that first hour is up, I start recieving nasty texts from him; and by end of my shift, it's "I don't know if I can date a stripper." Boo hoo. Suck it up, because it's the same thing every time I go.
So here are my goals for next week: Get a job; get a job; and get a job.
I had applied for a position that seemed perfect. I think I might have even applied twice! I was ecstatic when this company contacted me for a meeting; but when I emailed back to confirm, I received no response. The day following the original interview, they contacted me again to apologize and reschedule. The opening is for an Assistant Buyer / Fit Model within a major company, that has hundreds of locations across North America. The job posting online describes familiar duties for a buyer, as well as a list of requirements which I surpass. I am very confident in a position like this, but I am absolutely not a model. Nonetheless, I’ve learned from my past in this industry that these are not actual models, but Fit models, which are mainly for trying samples to evaluate the fit and material. And since the description itself did not stress the Model role like it did the Buyer’s – all it said was “wear a size 5 in ladies clothing” – I felt no reason to feel intimidated going to this interview. I figured if I was confident and showed my enthusiasm and experience, the interviewer would recognize it.
Turns out it wasn’t even an interview, but rather, a fitting. I was rushed in and out; I tried on a pair of black skinny jeans and a black button up tunic, both size 5, and had it off in 2 minutes. The sample clothing was too big and long, and after reviewing the fit on me, the assistant said, “Thanks. We’ll let you know.”
Where was my interview? Where’s the part when I brag about all my experience? I even had an answer for my least favourite interview question, which is almost guaranteed every time an employer and a potential candidate sit down together: “what would you say is your worst quality?” I’ve never been more prepared for a job interview as I was today, specifically because I wanted this one so bad. I would even take it if it offered me cheese for a salary. I just wish they had stated in their job posting that this position was mainly for a fit model, and the assistant buyer role was secondary. Its über frustrating to have someone contact me about my ideal profession, only to deny me an actual interview. It’s exactly like the title of this post.
Oh well. What can I do. I guess its back to the search.
Aside from this one, I’ve had one other employment agency and a couple of sales positions contact me. I haven’t had a full day in front of the computer this week (that’s why it took so long to get this post up), so tomorrow daytime will be reserved for job searching and applying online.
On another note, Last Friday I went to work all burnt and damaged, if anyone recalls the last entry. It actually went a lot better than I thought it would, probably because I had my regulars there. However I did have one issue. The DJ convinced me to go on stage; I had been hesitant because of my burn marks. That turned out to be a big mistake. I ended up rubbing my forearms against the pole, and peeling the scab off three of the massive blisters, and it hurt like a motherfu…
By now though, I am starting to heal very nicely.
Yet another note: I think I’m back with my sometime boyfriend.
It’s impossible to shake him. I have absolutely no will power there. We’re fine most of the time, but we argue every time I go to work. The funny thing is, he has no problem with the business when I'm not working - he'll even suggest I go sometimes. But as soon as that first hour is up, I start recieving nasty texts from him; and by end of my shift, it's "I don't know if I can date a stripper." Boo hoo. Suck it up, because it's the same thing every time I go.
So here are my goals for next week: Get a job; get a job; and get a job.
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